A trigger can be anything that causes a strong reminder of your loss. Many people say the first year or two can be particularly difficult. With time, most people find they learn to adapt, although birthdays, anniversaries or other special dates might always cause a range of strong emotions. Reach out to supportive friends and family at these times.
You may continue to feel a deep sense of loss for the experiences that the person didn’t get to have and that you didn’t get to share. Some people find comfort in visiting the burial site or another significant location, or in gathering with others in remembrance of a family member or friend.
Other losses could trigger your grief again. This may happen when someone else you know dies or when a pet dies, when a relationship ends, or when you lose a job or special possessions. Events that would normally be joyful (e.g. birth of a baby or a wedding) may have a similar impact as you mourn the absence of someone who should have been there to celebrate. Sometimes you may forget that the person has died, and when you suddenly remember, you may be shocked all over again.
You might find there is a time of day when you miss the person most. Or it may be a song, a smell or a place that reminds you of them, and you may feel upset again.
The How you might feelsection includes ideas on how to help yourself through these times.
If the person who has died had a digital presence, this is likely to remain for people to see and interact with. You might find encountering them online upsetting or it might be a way to stay connected to the person who has died and a way to “keep them alive”. If you have been nominated as a legacy contact, you can memorialise their Facebook page.
→READ MORE: Why do I feel so up and down?
Podcast: Coping with Grief
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FAQs
A trigger can be anything that causes a strong reminder of your loss. Many people say the first year or two can be particularly difficult. With time, most people find they learn to adapt, although birthdays, anniversaries or other special dates might always cause a range of strong emotions.
What makes grieving worse? ›
Birthdays, wedding dates, holidays and other special occasions create a heightened sense of loss. At these times, you may likely experience a grief attack or memory embrace. Your “pangs” of grief may also occur in response to circ*mstances that remind you of the painful absence of someone in your life.
Why does grief hurt so much? ›
The moment we learn of our loss, our braintriggers the fight-or-flight response. This heightened state puts extra stress on our organs and bodily functions, and we would usually experience it for a few minutes to 48 hours. But after bereavement, the effects ofthe fight-or-flight response can continuefor months.
What are the three C's of grief? ›
Practice the three C's
As you build a plan, consider the “three Cs”: choose, connect, communicate. Choose: Choose what's best for you. Even during dark bouts of grief, you still possess the dignity of choice.
What factors complicate grief? ›
Risk factors include a history of mood or anxiety disorders, alcohol or drug abuse, and multiple losses. Depression in persons who have been caregivers during a loved one's terminal illness and those who had depression early in bereavement are more likely to develop complicated grief later in bereavement.
What is the hardest death to grieve? ›
Death that is sudden and unexpected, especially if it is violent and untimely, is especially difficult. Suicide of a loved one, in particular, can challenge a bereaved person. Interestingly, though, the framework of grief is remarkably similar across these differences.
What does grief do to the body? ›
Grief can cause a variety of effects on the body including increased inflammation,8 joint pain, headaches, and digestive problems. It can also lower your immunity, making you more susceptible to illness. Grief also can contribute to cardiovascular problems, difficulty sleeping, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Why is grief so debilitating? ›
It causes intense emotions and consuming thoughts that don't fade over time and can affect your daily life. Grief is a natural way of coping with a loss. It can feel like you're stuck in the mud, lost in a fog or trudging through water.
What is the most intense type of grief? ›
Prolonged grief disorder is characterized by this intense and persistent grief that causes problems and interferes with daily life. Grief is a natural response to the loss of a loved one.
What are at least 3 feelings a person might experience when going through the grief process? ›
Denial - feeling shock, disbelief, panic or confusion - "How could this happen?", "It can't be true," Anger - blaming yourself, blaming others and hostility - "Why me?", "This isn't fair", "I don't deserve this," Bargaining - feeling guilty and having thoughts like "If only I had done more", "If I had only been..."
The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other. You might hear people say things like 'Oh I've moved on from denial and now I think I'm entering the angry stage'. But this isn't often the case.
When might grieving becomes unhealthy? ›
The persistent grief is disabling and affects everyday functioning in a way that typical grieving does not. For a diagnosis of prolonged grief disorder, the loss of a loved one had to have occurred at least a year ago for adults, and at least 6 months ago for children and adolescents.
What is the most painful person to lose? ›
The death of a husband or wife is well recognized as an emotionally devastating event, being ranked on life event scales as the most stressful of all possible losses.
What are the bad reactions to grief? ›
Grief reactions lead to complex somatic and psychological symptoms. Feelings: The person who experiences a loss may have a range of feelings, including shock, numbness, sadness, denial, anger, guilt, helplessness, depression, and yearning.
